i tapped out

I dropped out of LSBU. There is absolutely no way I would have actually been able to cope for the rest of the year - especially on a course that didn’t suit me.

I absolutely love acting but I also really enjoy working in film and photography and I felt as though the course I was on would not benefit me in the future. The course material just didn’t match my interests and I know I would have found it difficult to stay motivated.

Around the time I was making my UCAS application last year, I was also having to deal with a devastating family issue which meant that I didn’t really have the time or mentality to research universities properly. Time was running out to submit my application so I just had to go with whatever - I had my heart set on going to university so I just had to choose five options right at the last minute and hope for the best. I ended up wasting two of my UCAS choices just because I just hadn’t had time to do the research.

I was also lot more focused on the location of the universities I was applying to and settled on my choices just for their location rather than what the actual course offered.

After my auditions, I realised that out of my three options, two of the courses I applied for weren’t really for me. I really liked the third course I’d applied for but the accommodation was just too expensive.

Meanwhile, I am still experiencing stages of grief and without the support from my family, I wouldn’t be able to handle this emotionally and I know it would eventually have an effect on my physical health if I had stayed at uni.

Starting university during the COVID-19 pandemic made the whole experience overwhelming and difficult. It just didn’t sit right with me knowing that I was paying over £9000 a year to be taught mostly from online material. Especially on a drama course.

Lastly, I had a very bad experience in my first year of college which affected my mental health hugely and only got worse as the year went on. I was just terrified of this happening again I did not want to end up as ill as I was before.

However, this time it’s just a case of starting uni at the wrong time - I know I haven’t failed, I still managed to achieve the highest possible grades from my second college.

I am happy I went in the first place. If I had just deferred and watched everyone else move away, I would have been just as upset as I was last year when my school friends left for university. This way, I know for sure that a gap year seems like the better option and it will also give me time to get stronger.