I Graduated

I have finally graduated with a degree in television production. Living in Cornwall has been the best years of my life, I’ve been so happy here. Happy to live in such a beautiful lively town and be surrounded by the sea. I didn’t ever think I would get to university, let alone graduate.

I come from a fairly disadvantaged background, growing up with only one parent and therefore facing financial struggles for much of my life. It was just the two of us, having to live on a single wage. However, I was fortunate enough to have my grandparents nearby, who played a significant role in my upbringing. They took care of me a lot when my mum was working, often long shifts in demanding jobs. While my mum was always my number one, my grandparents filled a gap in my life more than having a dad ever would. Their presence made my life much more comfortable.

I’m an only child, but I didn’t get that typical ‘only child experience’. I wasn't spoiled or handed everything I wanted. From a young age, I understood that things had to be earned. As a kid, I always felt guilty for not being old enough to work and help my mum financially. I had friends who were also only children, but their lives were a bit different from mine. Not drastically different, but I noticed small things, like them having extra TV channels that you had to pay for and actual games consoles that plugged in to the TV. Throughout school, I couldn't participate in extracurricular activities because we simply couldn't afford them. The only clubs I could attend were free, usually the small ones in primary school run by teaching assistants. I was grateful for these, but they didn't offer much in terms of knowledge. I couldn't take graded dance or music lessons or join any youth theatre groups.

My teens were the worst years of my life. I struggled significantly with academics at school, frequently falling behind because I didn't understand the material. That traditional 'sit down and listen' teaching method just didn't work for me, so I only excelled in more practical subjects. Ironically, I was always placed in advanced classes due to my 'potential,' which made things worse. Teachers would tell me I wasn't listening or concentrating enough, reminding me that I was placed in high sets for a reason and wasn't meeting their expectations.

I was bullied throughout school, not for any particular reason, but simply because I was an easy target. My school was a few miles away from my small village, in the nearest town. The worst bullies were from the same village, where our families had also lived for years. Their parents had treated my family poorly, and the kids followed suit, continuing the cycle of harassment. Getting to school in the morning became the hardest part of my day. The unsupervised school bus rides became worse and worse. I’d have my hair pulled by the kid sitting behind me, my bag emptied on the floor, and abuse shouted at me, even from the other end of the bus where I often sat. I distinctly remember walking home one day and overhearing them behind me joke about pushing me in front of oncoming cars.

Throughout year 11, my mental health declined rapidly. I was in counselling, though it didn't help much. As a result, I failed a good portion of my GCSEs, the only subjects I truly excelled in were music and drama.

I initially applied to study A-levels at college but quickly withdrew my application. I realised the traditional ‘sit down and listen’ approach wasn’t effective for me, so attending college would have been a waste of time. I likely would have been kicked out. All of my friends had applied for A-levels and had the grades they needed.

Instead, I enrolled in a level 3 course in media production. I already loved photography, and as a kid, I used to make these awful videos on a digital camera. I was fascinated by the whole process of filmmaking, and when I found out I could actually study it, I felt I was on the right path. I didn’t bother looking at other colleges because this seemed like a good choice, and all my friends were going there anyway. Going somewhere else would have meant losing my friends. I had a couple close friends at the time. One was going on to do A-levels while the other was the only one of us attending a different college.

During the summer, I became very close with one of my best friends. However, when college started and they were at a different college, they dropped all contact. At first, I assumed they were just busy, but it soon became clear they wanted to leave everything and everyone school-related behind and start fresh. This was the first time I realised people could drop you out of nowhere, despite all the memories and connections you had before. I felt like I had everything I could wanted and this feeling was then harshly ripped away from me. This changed something in me. I started losing other friends too, not because of anything specific but because we were on different courses. It happens. I didn’t hold a grudge against them, but I quickly started spiralling at this point.

Long story short, this course was a disaster in terms of quality. The content didn't match what was promised on the open days. We barely made any content, and the classes were poorly managed. Some sessions weren't even taught; we were simply told to watch YouTube tutorials. It was extremely unfulfilling. I expected much more from college.

Life was awful then. I had no one to talk to, college was terrible, and my job was equally as bad. I ended up involved with CaMHS. I felt hopeless about my future, and life seemed pointless. My poor mum had to cope with all of this. Throughout the year, I had multiple therapists who each underestimated the severity of my condition and then passed me from one to another when they didn’t know how to help. Unsurprisingly, I performed poorly at college, leaving me with the choice to either drop out or restart. Restarting such an awful course felt pointless. I began exploring other options. I had enjoyed drama in school, and directing and acting were aspects I wanted to incorporate into the media course but never got the chance. I wanted to learn more about performance and creating content for audiences, not just setting up a camera and pressing record.

I applied to a specialist performing arts college, much smaller and with far fewer students than my old one. Everything there had a personal touch, unlike my first college who advertised their shows purely as student productions that were simply just part of their course. This new college had more of a 'company ethos,' and everything felt so much more intricate. At the auditions, I noticed that the staff seemed to know every student's name off the top of their heads - no need for lanyards with names and student numbers.

I got in, and it was amazing. Although I didn't see myself pursuing acting as a profession, my time there was incredibly fulfilling, and I learned so much. They catered to all kinds of theatre and genres, and oddly, I learned more about film there than I ever did at my old college. For the first time in years, I had a solid group of friends, people I am still very close to and speak to daily. I am so grateful for that.

My grandad was diagnosed with cancer half-way through my first year. He’d gone into hospital for a chest infection, but it was quickly revealed he was actually dying of lung cancer. Already dying. Too far gone for treatment to be effective. I still have this awful memory of my mum coming to college to tell me he was going to hospital. I was sobbing in her arms while ‘All That Jazz’ was playing from the studio behind me. Looking back, that was such a surreal, almost comedic moment. And Chicago of all musicals. Four months later, he died. Not to be morbid but it’s indescribably painful to watch someone who raised you die. On the topic on unfitting music, I remember holding his lifeless hand in the hospital while YMCA played from ward’s radio. Also slightly comedic to look back on. I was devastated that he hadn't seen me reach university. If I hadn't restarted college, he would have seen me go to uni. There was nothing I could have done differently, though. I just had to be happy that he saw me thrive in college.

I did get into uni. The application process was heavily disrupted by someone inconveniently dying so I didn’t much much thought into it. In a panic, I applied for five drama courses around London. I got into the London College of Music to study theatre but realised fairly quickly I didn't want to pursue a degree in acting. I loved acting, it was fun, but I couldn't see myself doing it professionally. I ended up choosing one of the other random options I had. Before starting, I already knew the course wasn’t for me, but I couldn't do anything about it at that point. I lasted two weeks before dropping out. This was during the peak of the pandemic, which didn’t help. I also struggled with living in student halls, which made me feel pathetic since millions of students manage just fine.

When the time came, I applied to another five universities, focusing on film courses this time. Falmouth was one of them. I was looking for a course that I could put my own spin on, and the course at Falmouth offered exactly that. It was one of the few that embraced students' creativity to this level. For the past three years, I’ve been putting together a collection of work. My solo projects have been mediocre at best, but I did excel in certain areas of group projects. Editing in particular. Even though I don’t yet have a strong portfolio, I feel I’ve developed a range of skills I didn’t have before. I've been working as a freelance filmmaker and photographer for the past year, earning money from my skills even before graduating. I hope to expand my company to offer headshots and acting reels for disadvantaged young performers and potentially move into teaching classes and workshops. I’m also working for PQA, where I help teach children drama and film. It’s been incredibly rewarding to share my knowledge and help build confidence and skills in the next generation of performers and filmmakers.

My grandad would have loved me being here in Cornwall. The one holiday all four of us went on was to a caravan park in Newquay. His absence at my graduation will be deeply felt, but I find comfort in knowing he witnessed my growth and successes along the way.

I’ve been working three different jobs to make ends meet and cover my rent, yet I still successfully earned a first-class degree. I’ve lived alone for my entire degree and it’s been one of the loneliest times of my life so far but many positive experiences have compensated for this though. My years in Cornwall have undeniably been the happiest of my life, filled with gratitude for the vibrant town I call home and the breathtaking coastline that surrounds me.

I’m grateful for the town I live in. I love being able to go to the beach whenever I like. I love being by the sea. I love the sense of community. I love the events and liveliness. I love being able to walk to shops, which I couldn’t do at home. I’m grateful to have had such a stable job despite work being difficult to find here. I'm grateful to have completed my degree before losing any more family members. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve met in the past year or so - it’s a shame I didn’t get to know them longer before they all left.

I don't know really where I'm going next. I'm not leaving Cornwall, I'm staying here for at least another year to complete a masters degree, but I don’t know after that. I’m hopeful though.